Thoughts From The Brown Couch

Since I have been kind of sleep-walking through life for the last month or so, I began to notice that I could periodically dissappear for a while even from myself. I'm hardly disassociative (bonus points if you email me the DSM-IV info on that...hahahaha) but I can't help but feel like nothing is real right now. It's like jumping in the water and making not a ripple. At first I was stunned, and figured it was a by product of something else I won't discuss here, but after sobriety hit me, nothing changed. I still feel the same way, and I can't seem to shake it. Ah well, vanilla for a while, but at least it isn't Valentine's day.

I'd write more, but today I have nothing to say. The above was more than I intended to write and perhaps it is time to curtail this little blog or whatever the fuck it is. I don't know, I always figured it was a good idea, but so far....ahh the joys of being young and bipolar....hahahahaha.

tell you what...Let these worries take a break, I'm gonna go do something, and I really think you should do the same. Trust me, lets all get fucked up and we won't remember anything that happens today. Perhaps I'll post on the upswing later today, but more likely, I will do some book writing and such. 3 weeks and counting, and I'm trying to hold up the wind with a sail...

cf

ps - striking out this often is hard work. here's to emails, live-in boyfirends, and mistaken intentions!!! I was listening to this when it came over the wire:

I'm not surprised it's come to this
Sooner or later there must be another's kiss
Behind that kiss a promise of a life of bliss
Yeah, great
I won't be takin' the bait
I'd rather drown
And I will not turn my whole life upside down

Imagine everything you've done
Under a microscope on view for everyone
And if the King of Circumspection's here
He's come in vain
I won't be sharing the blame
I wear the crown
And I will not turn my whole life upside down

Nothing's good enough for me
To shake me from complacencyI make my mind up and I'll never be
The kind of man who'd make a choice
For if I hold my tongue I'll never lose my voice
If each attempted act of sabotage destroys all hopeI won't be needing a rope
I'm gagged and bound
And I will not turn my whole life upside down
And if the genie were set free
And by the laws of things like that, he's indebted to me
I'd bury my three wishes
deep down in the ground
So I will not turn my whole life upside down
Though I appreciate the aim
Tell Andy Warhol's ghost that he can keep his fame
I'd only use it to make everything the same again
So don't applaud till the endI'm not around
Cause I will not turn my whole life upside down
Nothing's good enough for me
To shake me from complacency
I've made my mind upI won't make a sound
And I will not turn my whole life upside down

it is of course the Barenaked Ladies. (I once sold seven BNL CD's to pay for a my Buffett tickets back in 1998. Those were the days....) Funny part isn't the song though, but trying to figure out why I found the image so fucking funny. I guess I'm really cynical in my sense of humor. Bon apetite for now,

CF