Monday, August 22, 2005
you can trust your car to the man that wears the star...
After a long debate of whether to simply delete this blog or keep adding to it, I have found a third way. In the coming days, I will simply delete most of the prior entries. I'm going for a sort of tabula rasa (blank slate for those with a distaste for dead languages.) I think some rewriting will be needed, as well as monkeying with the site a bit to put forth a better feel, but mostly, I need to keep writing, and by now, most everyone who used to check in on the site will have either lost the site or forgotten about htese humble pages. I'm still unsure of what I want to say, but in the interests of finding some more ground to cover, I'd like to forget this was the place I used to use to bitch about life and love (mostly love) and try to reengineer my style to give me a more defined forum from which to speak. Besides, so much has changed since I left Blacksburg, it hardly seems worth mentioning at this point. I never was real good with explanations, but what the hell, I have a few things working in my favor, and it has been a long fucking time since I really wrote anything, so I am of the mind to have at it, and we'll see what comes of it later. Think of it as disregarding repercussions, which has become a pastime in the empire of my birth.
The first thing I realized when I woke up this morning, after figuring out why Cartoon Network was still on (though Adult Swim long finished,) was that I seem to have lost track of a lot of my life. Now, before writing this, I realized I had made this observation before, that with some of my "habits" I was forgetting a lot of things that were going on. This isn't really a condemnation, just a realization that choosing one thing sometimes means forgetting something else. With a sudden month-long burst of sobriety, I began to notice a lot of things that had become background noise in my life. For me, this mostly means people. I won't deny I can be a distant son of a bitch when I want to be, but the flip side is I have probably pissed a lot of people off through my years of remaining kind of isolated. Makes me wonder (in that strange detached way I do) how people see me? Most of the time, that question doesn't enter my head, but from time to time, it pops up when I get a reminder from the past.
The truth is, my actions, as with most people, are driven by my beliefs. I am what you might refer to an entertaining mix of humanism and atheism, with a little skeptic thrown in for fun. I don't have any particular reason to believe there is an answer to the "Why are we here?" question, nor do I worry about an afterlife. I enjoy learning, and apart from a few unjustifiable worries and fears (wholly my problem when it comes to the issue of responsibility) I figure, at best, I'm really just along for the ride. So that is my starting point, and where this entry must end. I'm along for the ride, and I suppose that is where I'll always be.
cf
The first thing I realized when I woke up this morning, after figuring out why Cartoon Network was still on (though Adult Swim long finished,) was that I seem to have lost track of a lot of my life. Now, before writing this, I realized I had made this observation before, that with some of my "habits" I was forgetting a lot of things that were going on. This isn't really a condemnation, just a realization that choosing one thing sometimes means forgetting something else. With a sudden month-long burst of sobriety, I began to notice a lot of things that had become background noise in my life. For me, this mostly means people. I won't deny I can be a distant son of a bitch when I want to be, but the flip side is I have probably pissed a lot of people off through my years of remaining kind of isolated. Makes me wonder (in that strange detached way I do) how people see me? Most of the time, that question doesn't enter my head, but from time to time, it pops up when I get a reminder from the past.
The truth is, my actions, as with most people, are driven by my beliefs. I am what you might refer to an entertaining mix of humanism and atheism, with a little skeptic thrown in for fun. I don't have any particular reason to believe there is an answer to the "Why are we here?" question, nor do I worry about an afterlife. I enjoy learning, and apart from a few unjustifiable worries and fears (wholly my problem when it comes to the issue of responsibility) I figure, at best, I'm really just along for the ride. So that is my starting point, and where this entry must end. I'm along for the ride, and I suppose that is where I'll always be.
cf
