Thursday, September 30, 2004
adios to amarillo, hello new orleans
"I'm down to my last dollar in these faded old blue jeans,
So adios to Amarillo, hello New Orleans"
Goodbye Spetember, hello October. Two more months to go and it will be one year since being dumped by Andrea. A strange ten months so far, and the overall question of am I better off alone or with her, miserable, is pretty much answered. So much has changed in ten months, am I even that person anymore? It seems I have been so many places and done so much in the last ten months, but I still keep wondering where my life is going. I feel like a trainwreck, twisted and bent and burnt. She fucked me over good, and maybe I still hate her for it. I think I am a pretty good guy, and I try to be supportive and kind, dare I say loving to anyone I am with. Yet I keep getting fucked over. This merely proves once again that women want the asshole who treats them like shit over a nice guy any day of the week, and that really sucks, because I HATE that type of guy. Uh oh, I'm ranting and generalizing again, and my present situation really has nothing to do with the past. Well, the optimistic part of this is continued below.....
Of course, I am told, things could be worse. This is true. My life is nothing to brag about, but it's nothing to hide either. I figure my life is a lot like the .250 hitter, the guy who keeps trying to get up to .300 but will most likely top out at around 2.87 in a real good year. Strangely, this does not bother me. I used to believe I was destined for some sort of major deal, but now I get the feeling that I should find a small island in the Caribbean and drink rum and watch tourists and write. That would be good enough for me.
Now, that's just really being negative and cynical. There is so much I haven't seen, and I suppose I should really get a move on, figuratively. The more I think about an actual physical move, the more convinced I am that I should stay in the NRV. Let's face it, Blacksburg is a nice place, and down deep, I know I can have what I want here, even if I am still unsure as to how to get it. So that means focusing in on getting into Grad School, figuring out how to sack up and deal with life on its own terms, and not being such a fucking pussy when it comes to relationships. I have spent so much wasted time worrying about being alone, I never even considered the simple fact that I can be happy on my own. For the second time in 2 days, I'm being my own dime store shrink, but fick it, it feels good, and I think I know what I have to do.
That being said, two notes. First presidential debate is tonight, and it should be good for some laughs and a few sad grins that I am represented as an American by a man I wouldn't throw a life preserver to. I may not be the most intelligent person in the world, but it makes me ill to know that the President of my country is at best, a bit misguided, and at worst, mean spirited and as petty as a child. Well, fuck it, bring on the draft, I'm 4-F and fucking proud of it.
Second, next week is the baseball playoffs, and the Pats are gonna STOMP Buffalo on Sunday. I have writing to do, research, school stuff, and some major plotting to do with regards to grad school. My plate seems full for the time being, and it is in moments like these that trouble rears its head. I love trouble....
cf
ps - I am so ready for some fun. I think this weekend would be a perfect time for it, and I can hear my muse calling again...
cf
pps - songs of the day!!! "Out Here In The Middle" by Robert Earl Keen, "I'll Follow the Sun" by The Beatles, and "I Don't Know And I Don't Care" by Bubba himself, Jimmy Buffett. Jimmy takes good care of my ears, my flops take good care of my feet, and I will take care of the stuff between the two. Oh, and I haven't said it in a while, but Joe Henry Loves You Madly, and so do I.
cf
So adios to Amarillo, hello New Orleans"
Goodbye Spetember, hello October. Two more months to go and it will be one year since being dumped by Andrea. A strange ten months so far, and the overall question of am I better off alone or with her, miserable, is pretty much answered. So much has changed in ten months, am I even that person anymore? It seems I have been so many places and done so much in the last ten months, but I still keep wondering where my life is going. I feel like a trainwreck, twisted and bent and burnt. She fucked me over good, and maybe I still hate her for it. I think I am a pretty good guy, and I try to be supportive and kind, dare I say loving to anyone I am with. Yet I keep getting fucked over. This merely proves once again that women want the asshole who treats them like shit over a nice guy any day of the week, and that really sucks, because I HATE that type of guy. Uh oh, I'm ranting and generalizing again, and my present situation really has nothing to do with the past. Well, the optimistic part of this is continued below.....
Of course, I am told, things could be worse. This is true. My life is nothing to brag about, but it's nothing to hide either. I figure my life is a lot like the .250 hitter, the guy who keeps trying to get up to .300 but will most likely top out at around 2.87 in a real good year. Strangely, this does not bother me. I used to believe I was destined for some sort of major deal, but now I get the feeling that I should find a small island in the Caribbean and drink rum and watch tourists and write. That would be good enough for me.
Now, that's just really being negative and cynical. There is so much I haven't seen, and I suppose I should really get a move on, figuratively. The more I think about an actual physical move, the more convinced I am that I should stay in the NRV. Let's face it, Blacksburg is a nice place, and down deep, I know I can have what I want here, even if I am still unsure as to how to get it. So that means focusing in on getting into Grad School, figuring out how to sack up and deal with life on its own terms, and not being such a fucking pussy when it comes to relationships. I have spent so much wasted time worrying about being alone, I never even considered the simple fact that I can be happy on my own. For the second time in 2 days, I'm being my own dime store shrink, but fick it, it feels good, and I think I know what I have to do.
That being said, two notes. First presidential debate is tonight, and it should be good for some laughs and a few sad grins that I am represented as an American by a man I wouldn't throw a life preserver to. I may not be the most intelligent person in the world, but it makes me ill to know that the President of my country is at best, a bit misguided, and at worst, mean spirited and as petty as a child. Well, fuck it, bring on the draft, I'm 4-F and fucking proud of it.
Second, next week is the baseball playoffs, and the Pats are gonna STOMP Buffalo on Sunday. I have writing to do, research, school stuff, and some major plotting to do with regards to grad school. My plate seems full for the time being, and it is in moments like these that trouble rears its head. I love trouble....
cf
ps - I am so ready for some fun. I think this weekend would be a perfect time for it, and I can hear my muse calling again...
cf
pps - songs of the day!!! "Out Here In The Middle" by Robert Earl Keen, "I'll Follow the Sun" by The Beatles, and "I Don't Know And I Don't Care" by Bubba himself, Jimmy Buffett. Jimmy takes good care of my ears, my flops take good care of my feet, and I will take care of the stuff between the two. Oh, and I haven't said it in a while, but Joe Henry Loves You Madly, and so do I.
cf
