Friday, October 29, 2004
past tense...
It was a slow night, and after spending a good amount of hours tryng to decide if I was being anti-social or just a lazy prick, I got a bit sidetracked thinking about how I would want to be remembered after I die. At first, I was at a total loss. Then, I got to thinking. Now, follow me here, because the crux of this plan is to obtain some sort of minor litereary fame a la Kenneth Patchen (romanticized in the Buffett song "Death of an Unpopular Poet".) After this, I will compile a sizeable estate. Nothing Gatesian, but certainly big enough for my survivors to go to court over.
Hence my plan. Remembrance through litigation. Of course, from this will springboard the occasional brief entry on some stupid "Where Are They Now" type of show, with the added bonus that I'll always be in the same place, with my ashes floating happily in the Caribbean Sea. Of course, if Jesus returns from his vacation, I could end up screwed without a body to return in, but something tells me I don't have to worry about Judgement Day for any number of reasons...hahahaha
What else? Did you ever have a conversation with someone you haven't spoken to in a long time and then realize how little has changed? Unbefrigginglievable! I can only assume she's not thinking the same thing I am, but that may not be a big problem. If everyone thought like I did, there would be more clowns and strangely costumed entertainers simply standing around and wondering what comes next. Make what you will of the allusion there, just don't spend too much time reading between the lines.
Times are certainly strange, and my best guess as to why is that there is just no other way for things to be. In a long discussion that doesn't merit typed notes, I got to thinking about life and straightening out the mistakes we all make. But beyond that, just getting beyond the day to day bullshit to try and improve the psychic quality of life, perhaps the context and intrinsic problems we each deal with in our own way. There are so many ways to try and change life, to mold it into something you can recognize as vaguely happy and contented, even if the contement is short lived. Religion, friendship, spirituality, psychology, mood stabalizers, there is a million ways to reconfigure life, but they all boil down to the choice to abandon whatever we feel is the root cause of the problem in the vain hope that removing the cause will inevitably lead to the cure. I am not so sure this is the case. Certainly, these changes need to be self-motivated, and the commitment to make the changes permanent (or as permanent as humans get!) needs to be fully accepted before progress can be made, but what of the environment, or the co-factors of the problem?
I've been on both sides. I have lived in a lot of places, and known a lot of people. But for the most part, life seems a series of phases, and the poeple in one place do not always remain the integral part of life they once were. It is cyclical, and I do not mean to say that I enjoy or attempt to disconnect friends from my life. It just seems to happen that way
Maybe the question I have been asking myself is really philosophical in nature and omnipresent in reality. Where do you draw the line when it comes to the past? Is it better to strike out alone in search of some mystical happiness or to find a friend, hunker down and build a place from which to tell the world to fuck off, as it were? Of course, being this dualistic is silly, there are infinite choices and infinite possibilities, and the girl I love she got long wavy hair....
Not much else to say tonight. Lots to think about, and sudden realization is a filthy game, filled with deception and glee. That first caress feels so good, but the real game is trying to get back there, to that first fall, that first sweet kiss in delicious anticipation. At times, the fall is so great that it hurts, and leaves you wounded, searching for whatever it was that got you here to begin with. But even then, it is just more motivation to chase harder and faster next time, to grasp that little slice of reality or whatever and hold on. When you get to that point, the next move is not yours to make. Just wait, drink in the pleasure of the slowly moving clock and the warmth that is the best symbol we really have.
Tonight, I wish I could sit on top of a mountain that overlooks my life, and laugh and sing and dance until there is nothing left to laugh at. I want to crawl into a warm sleeping bag with a bag of memories and a campfire burning. I want to run across the water, and feel the wetness. I want the ascension of a hand, an arm, the body, the mind, the heart, the soul and the touch. I want to call it mine, and laugh in the eyes of a lover.
Some nights the tension is enough, and every ripple is counterbalanced...
cf
ps - ellen cherry charles, we hardly knew ye...but joe henry loves you madly....goodnight baby
cf
"I can quit this any time, it's just to help me sleep
Stops the tiny voices, and strange hours that they keep
Who wants to hear them questioning and have to answer too,
Better to be be dumb when I am falling for you"
(Words & Music by JH)
Hence my plan. Remembrance through litigation. Of course, from this will springboard the occasional brief entry on some stupid "Where Are They Now" type of show, with the added bonus that I'll always be in the same place, with my ashes floating happily in the Caribbean Sea. Of course, if Jesus returns from his vacation, I could end up screwed without a body to return in, but something tells me I don't have to worry about Judgement Day for any number of reasons...hahahaha
What else? Did you ever have a conversation with someone you haven't spoken to in a long time and then realize how little has changed? Unbefrigginglievable! I can only assume she's not thinking the same thing I am, but that may not be a big problem. If everyone thought like I did, there would be more clowns and strangely costumed entertainers simply standing around and wondering what comes next. Make what you will of the allusion there, just don't spend too much time reading between the lines.
Times are certainly strange, and my best guess as to why is that there is just no other way for things to be. In a long discussion that doesn't merit typed notes, I got to thinking about life and straightening out the mistakes we all make. But beyond that, just getting beyond the day to day bullshit to try and improve the psychic quality of life, perhaps the context and intrinsic problems we each deal with in our own way. There are so many ways to try and change life, to mold it into something you can recognize as vaguely happy and contented, even if the contement is short lived. Religion, friendship, spirituality, psychology, mood stabalizers, there is a million ways to reconfigure life, but they all boil down to the choice to abandon whatever we feel is the root cause of the problem in the vain hope that removing the cause will inevitably lead to the cure. I am not so sure this is the case. Certainly, these changes need to be self-motivated, and the commitment to make the changes permanent (or as permanent as humans get!) needs to be fully accepted before progress can be made, but what of the environment, or the co-factors of the problem?
I've been on both sides. I have lived in a lot of places, and known a lot of people. But for the most part, life seems a series of phases, and the poeple in one place do not always remain the integral part of life they once were. It is cyclical, and I do not mean to say that I enjoy or attempt to disconnect friends from my life. It just seems to happen that way
Maybe the question I have been asking myself is really philosophical in nature and omnipresent in reality. Where do you draw the line when it comes to the past? Is it better to strike out alone in search of some mystical happiness or to find a friend, hunker down and build a place from which to tell the world to fuck off, as it were? Of course, being this dualistic is silly, there are infinite choices and infinite possibilities, and the girl I love she got long wavy hair....
Not much else to say tonight. Lots to think about, and sudden realization is a filthy game, filled with deception and glee. That first caress feels so good, but the real game is trying to get back there, to that first fall, that first sweet kiss in delicious anticipation. At times, the fall is so great that it hurts, and leaves you wounded, searching for whatever it was that got you here to begin with. But even then, it is just more motivation to chase harder and faster next time, to grasp that little slice of reality or whatever and hold on. When you get to that point, the next move is not yours to make. Just wait, drink in the pleasure of the slowly moving clock and the warmth that is the best symbol we really have.
Tonight, I wish I could sit on top of a mountain that overlooks my life, and laugh and sing and dance until there is nothing left to laugh at. I want to crawl into a warm sleeping bag with a bag of memories and a campfire burning. I want to run across the water, and feel the wetness. I want the ascension of a hand, an arm, the body, the mind, the heart, the soul and the touch. I want to call it mine, and laugh in the eyes of a lover.
Some nights the tension is enough, and every ripple is counterbalanced...
cf
ps - ellen cherry charles, we hardly knew ye...but joe henry loves you madly....goodnight baby
cf
"I can quit this any time, it's just to help me sleep
Stops the tiny voices, and strange hours that they keep
Who wants to hear them questioning and have to answer too,
Better to be be dumb when I am falling for you"
(Words & Music by JH)
Wednesday, October 27, 2004
A few links for some further reading...
Freedom From Religion Foundation - Great site, tons to read, check out the Nontracts and essays, plus a good section on women and religion.
Island of Freedom - A lot of material, plus well researched essays on theologians, philosophers, writers, poets, musicians, mathamticians, etc. New site design, easier to wade through.
As for me, Bertrand Russell (Check here for the Encyclopedia of Philosophers entry) said it best when he wrote:
"I wish to propose for the reader's favourable consideration, a doctrine which may, I fear, appear wildly paradoxical and subversive. The doctrine in question is this: that it is undesirable to believe a proposition when there is no ground whatever for supposing it true."
I'm not saying you should try that. But I think I will.
cf
Freedom From Religion Foundation - Great site, tons to read, check out the Nontracts and essays, plus a good section on women and religion.
Island of Freedom - A lot of material, plus well researched essays on theologians, philosophers, writers, poets, musicians, mathamticians, etc. New site design, easier to wade through.
As for me, Bertrand Russell (Check here for the Encyclopedia of Philosophers entry) said it best when he wrote:
"I wish to propose for the reader's favourable consideration, a doctrine which may, I fear, appear wildly paradoxical and subversive. The doctrine in question is this: that it is undesirable to believe a proposition when there is no ground whatever for supposing it true."
I'm not saying you should try that. But I think I will.
cf
optimism and faith...
I have had many discussion with people of all different spiritual understandings. I will often make it a point to discuss religion or god with people just to get a better understanding of how people relate to faith. I am an atheist, and while that is certainly not a problem for me, it seems to be a stumbling block for others in a big way. I have a few thoughts I would like to put down here about faith in general, inspired by the 2004 Boston Red Sox and the last two classes I attended in my Women & Religion class.
First, I certainly realize that a great percentage of people in this country have a spiritual connection to any of a variety of faiths. It doesn't really matter to me if it's Catholic, Jew, Muslim, etc. While I fully support everyone's right to self-determination of religious principles, I really don't care which ones people choose. If it matters at all, it is most interesting to see who backs up words of faith with actions of a believer. The answer? Pitifully few, and most of the ones who actually act as they belief are such fundamentalists that they aren't much fun anyway. Lest you start to think I am leaving myself out here, I realize I don't behave or act in any noble or ethical way, but then, I never professed to. I keep coming back to the idea that this world would be so much easier for so many people if religion would just dump this hypocritical approach to ethics, but that ship probably sailed thousands of years ago.
But back to the main point here. Faith in general fascinates me. There is no comparable issue I can analyze it against, and without a comparative object, there is no context through which I can digest this issue. For all the talk of faith as it applies to the Red Sox, or in more Springsteenian terms of faith and redemption, that simply does not compare to a group of people wandering the Earth believing that the savior is just around the corner, ready to reward some and punish most. That kind of idealism baffles me. For one thing, it denigrates all of us. Human beings are capable of rational thought (though some of the more fundamentalist ones may have left this skill behind...see Israel, the middle East, or Washington, DC) and are fully capable of judging an action on its own merits. The danger seems to come when people begin to use the phrase "means to an end" to justify actions that are supposedly negative to begin with.
There is more to say, but perhaps my own views can be summed up as such; For every spiritualist or theist, even those of you claiming to be agnostic (the least sensical of all deity-centered belief structures...but that is another topic for another day) there comes the nexus between faith and belief. The world may not be completely verifiable (let's leave Satre waiting for a better day than this!!!) or even quantitative in every way, and there wil lalways be the unexplainable. However, that does not change the fundamental reality of this world as it applies to the senses and to being human in an imperfect world. Though, on second thought, perhaps this is the perfect world. Perhaps it is we who are imperfect. Maybe we could even take one percent of the energy used to have and spread unjustified faith and use that to work towards a world where everyone has enough to eat, clean water to drink, a clean house to live in, and basic medical care. Oh wait, maybe if we wait and believe, god will take care of it. After all, the rapture is just around the corner. Take it away George!
cf
First, I certainly realize that a great percentage of people in this country have a spiritual connection to any of a variety of faiths. It doesn't really matter to me if it's Catholic, Jew, Muslim, etc. While I fully support everyone's right to self-determination of religious principles, I really don't care which ones people choose. If it matters at all, it is most interesting to see who backs up words of faith with actions of a believer. The answer? Pitifully few, and most of the ones who actually act as they belief are such fundamentalists that they aren't much fun anyway. Lest you start to think I am leaving myself out here, I realize I don't behave or act in any noble or ethical way, but then, I never professed to. I keep coming back to the idea that this world would be so much easier for so many people if religion would just dump this hypocritical approach to ethics, but that ship probably sailed thousands of years ago.
But back to the main point here. Faith in general fascinates me. There is no comparable issue I can analyze it against, and without a comparative object, there is no context through which I can digest this issue. For all the talk of faith as it applies to the Red Sox, or in more Springsteenian terms of faith and redemption, that simply does not compare to a group of people wandering the Earth believing that the savior is just around the corner, ready to reward some and punish most. That kind of idealism baffles me. For one thing, it denigrates all of us. Human beings are capable of rational thought (though some of the more fundamentalist ones may have left this skill behind...see Israel, the middle East, or Washington, DC) and are fully capable of judging an action on its own merits. The danger seems to come when people begin to use the phrase "means to an end" to justify actions that are supposedly negative to begin with.
There is more to say, but perhaps my own views can be summed up as such; For every spiritualist or theist, even those of you claiming to be agnostic (the least sensical of all deity-centered belief structures...but that is another topic for another day) there comes the nexus between faith and belief. The world may not be completely verifiable (let's leave Satre waiting for a better day than this!!!) or even quantitative in every way, and there wil lalways be the unexplainable. However, that does not change the fundamental reality of this world as it applies to the senses and to being human in an imperfect world. Though, on second thought, perhaps this is the perfect world. Perhaps it is we who are imperfect. Maybe we could even take one percent of the energy used to have and spread unjustified faith and use that to work towards a world where everyone has enough to eat, clean water to drink, a clean house to live in, and basic medical care. Oh wait, maybe if we wait and believe, god will take care of it. After all, the rapture is just around the corner. Take it away George!
cf
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
game three and ruminations...
Before sinking into a few strange thoughts I've been having lately, I have to mention a great article on the Red Sox in today's Bosotn Globe. The article was written by Dan Shaunessy, whom I have read for a few years, and despite the whole "Knight's of the Keyboard" thing (that was him, wasn't it?) I have always enjoyed his writing. e seems a bit focused on the negative side of things, but thats Boston. Anyhow, find the article here. It is all about the family connections of Sox fans, how it is a generational thing, just a good mother fucking article. Now if Pedro shows up tonight, we could looking down the barrel of a 3-0 lead in the series. Good karma for a lot of other things and maybe some people too, but it remains to be seen. Come on down to Rivermill tonight and join all of us sickos in celebrating something huge....Gametime at 8.
In all the excitement of Red Sox baseball and Patriots football, a brief important note. If you wish to join myself and a few others voting on Nov. 2, please drop me an email.
One note though - no Bushites needed. Y'all can go vote for that Ape on your own. I realize VA is a Repub state, but we are just gonna go ahead and pretend there is a good valid reason to vote for Kerry and register my complaint against the current administration. So, sorry to all you Republicans (do any Republicans read this blog???) but everyone who is still somewhat sane should vote for Kerry. He ins't the solution, but he is the less worse....Oh, and check out this site, great commentary from a dude Texas AM, right in the belly of the beast. Great website, sound logic.
Other stuff??? THe usual blizzard of events going so fast I can't remember half the time where I am in the story of my life. I have the vague sense of embarrassment that I said something I shouldn't have to someone I care about more than I thought (I can be mealy-mouthed with the best of them!) But then, someitmes, I wonder if I'm not on the path with that one after all...Oh well, future never tells and the present never knows...
Good poetry last night, but I forgot to ask permission to post anything, so maybe later. Big week here, fucking World Series, working on a short story, omnipresent homework and poetry talk, plus I am told this is a big week for the pizza industry, and I am at the very center, making the dough and crust that Blacksburgianites love to sink they're teeth into. It doesn't pay much, but the benefits are one of a kind...
So, off to smoke a cig and then off to campus for a day of learning and maybe ducking one class to go eat some food because I am very fucking hungry. On second thought, I don't think you can buy what I'm hungry for, and no, that is not a crude sex joke. Well, maybe partially. But the real reference as to beating the MFC's tonight. All hail Pedro Martinez, Joe Henry, and Don Miguel Ruiz. (Google that last one and read his book, amazing stuff. We should all be so lucky to find Toltec heritage!)
"Now the devil may care when you've had enough
Of whatever it is overflowing your cup
I'll follow you down but'm not coming up,
I'm dead to the world..."
(Joe Henry)
cf
ps - Sault Saint Marie & ellen cherry charles....hahahahahaha (i wish i had a smiley face graphic for right here...dammit, the moment is gone, and I missed it!)
cf
In all the excitement of Red Sox baseball and Patriots football, a brief important note. If you wish to join myself and a few others voting on Nov. 2, please drop me an email.
One note though - no Bushites needed. Y'all can go vote for that Ape on your own. I realize VA is a Repub state, but we are just gonna go ahead and pretend there is a good valid reason to vote for Kerry and register my complaint against the current administration. So, sorry to all you Republicans (do any Republicans read this blog???) but everyone who is still somewhat sane should vote for Kerry. He ins't the solution, but he is the less worse....Oh, and check out this site, great commentary from a dude Texas AM, right in the belly of the beast. Great website, sound logic.
Other stuff??? THe usual blizzard of events going so fast I can't remember half the time where I am in the story of my life. I have the vague sense of embarrassment that I said something I shouldn't have to someone I care about more than I thought (I can be mealy-mouthed with the best of them!) But then, someitmes, I wonder if I'm not on the path with that one after all...Oh well, future never tells and the present never knows...
Good poetry last night, but I forgot to ask permission to post anything, so maybe later. Big week here, fucking World Series, working on a short story, omnipresent homework and poetry talk, plus I am told this is a big week for the pizza industry, and I am at the very center, making the dough and crust that Blacksburgianites love to sink they're teeth into. It doesn't pay much, but the benefits are one of a kind...
So, off to smoke a cig and then off to campus for a day of learning and maybe ducking one class to go eat some food because I am very fucking hungry. On second thought, I don't think you can buy what I'm hungry for, and no, that is not a crude sex joke. Well, maybe partially. But the real reference as to beating the MFC's tonight. All hail Pedro Martinez, Joe Henry, and Don Miguel Ruiz. (Google that last one and read his book, amazing stuff. We should all be so lucky to find Toltec heritage!)
"Now the devil may care when you've had enough
Of whatever it is overflowing your cup
I'll follow you down but'm not coming up,
I'm dead to the world..."
(Joe Henry)
cf
ps - Sault Saint Marie & ellen cherry charles....hahahahahaha (i wish i had a smiley face graphic for right here...dammit, the moment is gone, and I missed it!)
cf
smiling curved lips never give...
something I was toying with, brought on by too much daydreaming!!! Well, shit, I'd apologize, but this is my blog, and if you are reading this, enjoy it and wonder about my state of mind. Let's call it pensive excitement, bottled up in my soul and waiting to escape on the first sign of somewhere to go. Until then, I wrote this...
carry
smiling curved lips never give
answers, questions,
denial sates burning fiery eyes,
pleading for release,
curiosity bleeding doubt
how hard to push
to push you back,
where are words,
convincing words,
words going far enough,
not stopped for trivial notions,
polite conversation,
only trial by fire
fingerprints line your window screen,
approaching your tonight
amongst bright stars, hanging moons,
over welcoming grins of secret smiles
bringing desire alone,
tentative hands reaching
acts of desperation
will you wait for snow falling
down, perhaps consider
exquisite maybe,
leaving lights blackened,
for easy discussion
soul roadmap ladder to
your open window?
if i cried out for you,
some last gasp social contrivance,
a performance, nothing more
your eyes will appear in darkness,
maybe eyes, overwhelming
sympathy
left alone nightly,
wondering how it feels
carrying you to bed
dreaming.
-----
I spose someone out there is asking the question, to which I can only reply, of course I wrote it for you, let's go deeper than that...
cf
ps - Joe Henry Loves You Madly, and I got some new shibby from him that kicks arse. Plus, I want to be Italian for a day. Gnight all,
cf
carry
smiling curved lips never give
answers, questions,
denial sates burning fiery eyes,
pleading for release,
curiosity bleeding doubt
how hard to push
to push you back,
where are words,
convincing words,
words going far enough,
not stopped for trivial notions,
polite conversation,
only trial by fire
fingerprints line your window screen,
approaching your tonight
amongst bright stars, hanging moons,
over welcoming grins of secret smiles
bringing desire alone,
tentative hands reaching
acts of desperation
will you wait for snow falling
down, perhaps consider
exquisite maybe,
leaving lights blackened,
for easy discussion
soul roadmap ladder to
your open window?
if i cried out for you,
some last gasp social contrivance,
a performance, nothing more
your eyes will appear in darkness,
maybe eyes, overwhelming
sympathy
left alone nightly,
wondering how it feels
carrying you to bed
dreaming.
-----
I spose someone out there is asking the question, to which I can only reply, of course I wrote it for you, let's go deeper than that...
cf
ps - Joe Henry Loves You Madly, and I got some new shibby from him that kicks arse. Plus, I want to be Italian for a day. Gnight all,
cf
Friday, October 22, 2004
stampede...
I wanted to wait before writing this post, so much has happened in the last four days, I needed time to form my thoughts up, chew through everything, the usual thinking time. Plus, I'm tired. My throat hurts. I haven't had a good night's sleep in days, and tomorrow, it will get worse. But it will also get better. World Series, game 1, after pistol whipping the New York Yankees in four straight. How good does it get? Let me say this, loudly and clearly. Every bad thing I have ever gone through, every time I got grounded as a kid, or a breakup, or a job loss, or anything else negative that has ever occured in my life, all worth it. Watching Mientkiewicz squeeze the ball at first, the feeling was as close to pure happiness I have ever felt. For once, the season would end, and the Sox were the ones celebrating in The Toilet. I don't know what will happen in the WS, but I know our pitching is better and the hitting is probobly a wash, so let's play. Back to the ever lucky Rivermill for more fun and games Saturday at 8. Hot damn, that's gonna be a good time. The Mill was rocking and rolling all ngiht for game 7, and there were even a few MFY fans in the place. They left the second the game ended, so I didn't get to dish it out double fisted as the saying goes, but a great fucking night nonetheless.
Other stuff...Well, I hate to jinx myself, but I have started to recover a little confidence in terms of Grad School. First pick is Tech, but I'll apply at a bunch of schools, see what happens, you never know, might not be a bad idea to have a few options should shit hit the fan here...not that I expect it too, but I've never stayed in one place very long, and I suspect I'll be on my way from here sometime in the next 3 years or so, maybe even for the Caribbean. BUt first grad school, and despite my lack of faith in the quality of personage in this town, it will make a good place to stay for the next 4 years and get my money degree. I expect to spend most of my time working on writing and publishing, just for shits and giggles.
People and Places....working at Gumby's is fun, it's like walking around an all you can eat bar and knowing you can eat whatever you want, as long as you prepare all teh ingredients and do all the cooking, much fun. I will be experimenting with my ultimate pizza soon, one of those slow days without too much to do. It will be larger than your average pizza, and contain more ingredients. Plus, it will have cheese and sauce and stuff and things. Plus, it will taste awesome and shit, so yeah, go me.
Can't remember if I posted about it, but I finished my first draft of my first short story, though it still needs a title. I think the draft title is "Gentleman Prefer Blondes," which I like, but I believe I have ripped off somebody, and no sense doing that. After careful consideration, I think the story is about redemption/salvation, and what is possible even under the most dire of situations. It needs a lot of work, but I will be working the kinks out after workshopping it and getting comments. I have my own ideas though, and I would be a liar if I said I thought someone else could do a better job than me on the editing of MY work. OK, that's just me being a dick.
Plenty of papers to write, but they are al lshort. It will be bitchin' to get into grad school and do some actual work and learn some shit instead of doing this undergrad crap. I swear, 90% of the people you see every day on the street seem curiously unable to ponder the implications of the world around them. Forget the big issues, I don't think most people conceive that there is a more efficient means of life. I don't mean efficiency in terms of speed, but in terms of happiness. I don't know, maybe I don't understand this world. I'm told I'm cynical. Must be true...
Well, that's a good little finger dump, I should get on that homework if I'm gonna have any time to write this week. Sox in the series, a short story in my head, and no time. Wow, no wonder so many writers take uppers. I should really cut those downers out....hahahaha, of course not! The evil empire has fallen, and the rebels have won the day!!!!!
cf
ps - Songs! "Black Eyed Dog" by Nick Drake, "Brown Eyed Woman" by the Grateful Dead, and "Does This Bus Stop At 82nd Street?" by Bruce Springsteen.
"Queen of diamonds, ace of spades
newly discovered lovers of the everglades
They take out a full page ad in the trades
to announce their arrival
And Mary Lou she found out how to cope,
she rides to heaven on a gyroscope
The Daily News asks her for the dope
She says "Man, the dope's that there's still hope"
Senorita, Spanish rose, wipes her eyes and blows her nose
Uptown in Harlem she throws a rose
to some lucky, young matador."
(word & music by Bruce Springsteen)
cf
Other stuff...Well, I hate to jinx myself, but I have started to recover a little confidence in terms of Grad School. First pick is Tech, but I'll apply at a bunch of schools, see what happens, you never know, might not be a bad idea to have a few options should shit hit the fan here...not that I expect it too, but I've never stayed in one place very long, and I suspect I'll be on my way from here sometime in the next 3 years or so, maybe even for the Caribbean. BUt first grad school, and despite my lack of faith in the quality of personage in this town, it will make a good place to stay for the next 4 years and get my money degree. I expect to spend most of my time working on writing and publishing, just for shits and giggles.
People and Places....working at Gumby's is fun, it's like walking around an all you can eat bar and knowing you can eat whatever you want, as long as you prepare all teh ingredients and do all the cooking, much fun. I will be experimenting with my ultimate pizza soon, one of those slow days without too much to do. It will be larger than your average pizza, and contain more ingredients. Plus, it will have cheese and sauce and stuff and things. Plus, it will taste awesome and shit, so yeah, go me.
Can't remember if I posted about it, but I finished my first draft of my first short story, though it still needs a title. I think the draft title is "Gentleman Prefer Blondes," which I like, but I believe I have ripped off somebody, and no sense doing that. After careful consideration, I think the story is about redemption/salvation, and what is possible even under the most dire of situations. It needs a lot of work, but I will be working the kinks out after workshopping it and getting comments. I have my own ideas though, and I would be a liar if I said I thought someone else could do a better job than me on the editing of MY work. OK, that's just me being a dick.
Plenty of papers to write, but they are al lshort. It will be bitchin' to get into grad school and do some actual work and learn some shit instead of doing this undergrad crap. I swear, 90% of the people you see every day on the street seem curiously unable to ponder the implications of the world around them. Forget the big issues, I don't think most people conceive that there is a more efficient means of life. I don't mean efficiency in terms of speed, but in terms of happiness. I don't know, maybe I don't understand this world. I'm told I'm cynical. Must be true...
Well, that's a good little finger dump, I should get on that homework if I'm gonna have any time to write this week. Sox in the series, a short story in my head, and no time. Wow, no wonder so many writers take uppers. I should really cut those downers out....hahahaha, of course not! The evil empire has fallen, and the rebels have won the day!!!!!
cf
ps - Songs! "Black Eyed Dog" by Nick Drake, "Brown Eyed Woman" by the Grateful Dead, and "Does This Bus Stop At 82nd Street?" by Bruce Springsteen.
"Queen of diamonds, ace of spades
newly discovered lovers of the everglades
They take out a full page ad in the trades
to announce their arrival
And Mary Lou she found out how to cope,
she rides to heaven on a gyroscope
The Daily News asks her for the dope
She says "Man, the dope's that there's still hope"
Senorita, Spanish rose, wipes her eyes and blows her nose
Uptown in Harlem she throws a rose
to some lucky, young matador."
(word & music by Bruce Springsteen)
cf
Sunday, October 17, 2004
baseball and football....
Suprisingly enough, this is a time of hope. I know the Red Sox are down 3-0 to the MFY's, but summer has turned to fall, and the men of New England now seem to be wearing a flying elvis logo over shoulder pads. I didn't see it until this morning, but hope springs eternal. In New England, the mighty Patriots play second fiddle to the Red Sox. (This might also explain the lack of pressure in Foxboro these days...) But as the Red Sox swoon, we change our tune. The Patriots play a lot of big games, just like the Red Sox. Unlike the Red Sox, they seem to rise to the occasion each time. They are an amazing team, something that cannot be said for the Red Sox. The list of standout plays by this team since week 3 of the 2001 season is too long to list. First and goal, on the road, with the games best offense with four plays to win the game? We stopped them cold. WIllie Mcginest, your moment to shine. A blizzard right through a divisional homegame with first place in the conference on the line? Bruschi slides into the endzone and the Patriots win again. Who remember David Patten getting knocked out on the sideline with a live ball barely grazing his foot, saving a possesion and the game? How about Vrabel in SB XXXVI, flying towards Warner the Alien, forcing the throw Ty Law would bring to the house. I won't even go into to detail about Adam Vinatieri, or Troy Brown, or departed friend Antowain Smith, or Asante Samuel cracking recievers again and again. No, the New England Patriots are built to win, regardless of excuses, injuries, or anything else. Today, they will play Seattle, in a game I really want badly. As anyone who reads this knows, I have a few problems with that town, and some of its residents. At any rate, fuck Seattle, fuck Washington State, and FUCK THE SEAHAWKS. They are coming to our house, and they think they are gonna win....
What else is there to say? Oh yeah...I FINISHED MY FIRST SHORT STORY!!!!! It was awesome, and there were celebratory bingers. Can't ask for anything more... And eat at Gumby's, my new place of bid'ness. That's right, I am now in the food service industry, making dough and sauce. So now, come by and enjoy a fine pizza. (It's so nice to have a diversionary purpose again. One might be tempted to think I rule again, after some times of being ruled. So, to recap, hooray for writing, hooray for school, hooray for working and free pizza for me, and hooray for drugs to celebrate with. Things are settling down again at the old ranch after what might be properly interpreted as a temporary period of transition. While the erotic dance of the five knuckle shuffle continues, I think I can deal better with that than by chasing tail right now. Besides, that's an expensive hobby, both in terms of finances and energy and emotions. Besides, there is ALWAYS Ellen Cherry Charles to dream about. I happen to know she gave up on Boomer and is living free and easy somewhere. She's probobly got a little studio apartment and view of the sea. Someday she'll be mine.
Well, time to prepare for work. You know what that means. I won't be making your pizza without a little help from my friends. (That's another post for later today...) Hope y'all feel as good as I do, and no matter what happens tonight, MFY's suck. Let's go Pats, this day is OURS!!
cf
What else is there to say? Oh yeah...I FINISHED MY FIRST SHORT STORY!!!!! It was awesome, and there were celebratory bingers. Can't ask for anything more... And eat at Gumby's, my new place of bid'ness. That's right, I am now in the food service industry, making dough and sauce. So now, come by and enjoy a fine pizza. (It's so nice to have a diversionary purpose again. One might be tempted to think I rule again, after some times of being ruled. So, to recap, hooray for writing, hooray for school, hooray for working and free pizza for me, and hooray for drugs to celebrate with. Things are settling down again at the old ranch after what might be properly interpreted as a temporary period of transition. While the erotic dance of the five knuckle shuffle continues, I think I can deal better with that than by chasing tail right now. Besides, that's an expensive hobby, both in terms of finances and energy and emotions. Besides, there is ALWAYS Ellen Cherry Charles to dream about. I happen to know she gave up on Boomer and is living free and easy somewhere. She's probobly got a little studio apartment and view of the sea. Someday she'll be mine.
Well, time to prepare for work. You know what that means. I won't be making your pizza without a little help from my friends. (That's another post for later today...) Hope y'all feel as good as I do, and no matter what happens tonight, MFY's suck. Let's go Pats, this day is OURS!!
cf
Friday, October 15, 2004
fool in the rain...
Today was mostly a day for conversation. When I woke up this morning, I was as depressed as I have felt in the last few weeks. Hardly looking for the pill bottle, but let's just say I am glad I gave up utting, because today could have bloody...
Some days, there doesn't seem to be much I can do about being depressed. I've let a few certain people so far under my skin I should be checking for them the next time I go to the bathroom. The last two women I have been in love with...oh shite, is there a rock I can crawl under somewhere? A, you hurt me the most. You lied, and I wish you were here so I could scream at you, so I could make you answer me as to why you did this. But you'd proboly just lie to me again, and what would bet he fucking point? So you could tell me "Oh no, I ALWAYS loved you, and I never did anything wrong." Wait, why don't you send me another thank you note when I absolve your conscience for you... (and R, you were honest. You do treat guys like shit. Oh well, mysogyny LOVES company....)
Now, certainly, I am not without fault for this situation. I zigged when I should have zagged more than once, and right now, it's got me sitting at my computer, wishing I could bleed when I should be sleeping. How many sad songs can you wait through, just wanting to see the morning come? Today was a good day, ending on a far better note than it began on, but the sum total of events leaves me wondering if I am any better off now than I was yesterday. Am I one day closer to sanity? The end? Whatever is next? I don't know.
Just so any of the five poeple or so reading this understand, I am depressed, not suicidal. Besides, what's the point of commiting suicide without knowing what comes next? You might leap right out of the frying pan and into the fire! Plus, its kind of a pussy way out of shit, and I have taken the easy road enough times to know if it is easy, it usually isn't worth having, doing, saying or being.
Well, thanks to my favorite bartendress for the conversation and beer, and of course the book...I hope it makes as much of a difference as I think it will. I'm out of ideas, and it is time to find more. First day of work tomorrow, plus a paper to write, a story to finish, and Yankee ass to kick...see ya around.
cf
Some days, there doesn't seem to be much I can do about being depressed. I've let a few certain people so far under my skin I should be checking for them the next time I go to the bathroom. The last two women I have been in love with...oh shite, is there a rock I can crawl under somewhere? A, you hurt me the most. You lied, and I wish you were here so I could scream at you, so I could make you answer me as to why you did this. But you'd proboly just lie to me again, and what would bet he fucking point? So you could tell me "Oh no, I ALWAYS loved you, and I never did anything wrong." Wait, why don't you send me another thank you note when I absolve your conscience for you... (and R, you were honest. You do treat guys like shit. Oh well, mysogyny LOVES company....)
Now, certainly, I am not without fault for this situation. I zigged when I should have zagged more than once, and right now, it's got me sitting at my computer, wishing I could bleed when I should be sleeping. How many sad songs can you wait through, just wanting to see the morning come? Today was a good day, ending on a far better note than it began on, but the sum total of events leaves me wondering if I am any better off now than I was yesterday. Am I one day closer to sanity? The end? Whatever is next? I don't know.
Just so any of the five poeple or so reading this understand, I am depressed, not suicidal. Besides, what's the point of commiting suicide without knowing what comes next? You might leap right out of the frying pan and into the fire! Plus, its kind of a pussy way out of shit, and I have taken the easy road enough times to know if it is easy, it usually isn't worth having, doing, saying or being.
Well, thanks to my favorite bartendress for the conversation and beer, and of course the book...I hope it makes as much of a difference as I think it will. I'm out of ideas, and it is time to find more. First day of work tomorrow, plus a paper to write, a story to finish, and Yankee ass to kick...see ya around.
cf
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
a rainy day of writing and pining...
Cold and rainy. What a lovely day...At least i got my errands run early, before the wind and rain picked up again, brinigng with it a chill that hadn't been here before today. I guess winter is on the way, and fall is now lodged in our collective throats. Oh well, thats the breaks.
This has been a good day for writing, i have the first chapter of a novel mostly completed. Most likely it will end up a short story, but let's start big! I'm drawing this one for the whole R situation, which at hte present time is like chewing on a piece of rubber found in a gutter. I hate having to play this stupid game pretending I don't care when I really do, and this not talking/wriitng/IM'ing is a real drag. I can only hope she is handling this better than I am.
On top of pining away for that which I can't have, the Sox are up to their old tricks. I expect big things tonight, but last night was a tough pill to swallow in many ways.
Well, time to keep writing, that story isn't going to finish itself. There's a thousand ghosts to excorcise from my existence, and writing might be my only way out for a while. Onward and upward to the next broken heart...
cf
"Thanks, That Was Fun" by BNL today...Just that one....
cf
This has been a good day for writing, i have the first chapter of a novel mostly completed. Most likely it will end up a short story, but let's start big! I'm drawing this one for the whole R situation, which at hte present time is like chewing on a piece of rubber found in a gutter. I hate having to play this stupid game pretending I don't care when I really do, and this not talking/wriitng/IM'ing is a real drag. I can only hope she is handling this better than I am.
On top of pining away for that which I can't have, the Sox are up to their old tricks. I expect big things tonight, but last night was a tough pill to swallow in many ways.
Well, time to keep writing, that story isn't going to finish itself. There's a thousand ghosts to excorcise from my existence, and writing might be my only way out for a while. Onward and upward to the next broken heart...
cf
"Thanks, That Was Fun" by BNL today...Just that one....
cf
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
another goodbye...GO SOX!!!!
I was gonna write a sobby post about saying goodbye to people, as you might have guessed from the title. However, after writing the first sentence, I had a change of heart and of inspiration. Good things are coming, and I must look forward, or risk the chance of shock and surprise. Hence, a new topic for a new week to go with a new job (thanks roomie!) Plus, if I keep practicing guitar for like six more months, I will be an official member of the guitar players club and get a sticker. Right on!
Today, my beloved Red Sox will open the ALCS in New York. Officially attired in my Yankees Suck shirt and sox bandana, i will be making my way to campus in total anticipatory delight until the clock strikes 8:00 tonight. I have been waiting ever since that depressing drive home from Glory Days Bart & Grill last October...The start of a really strange year. Maybe this is the year. Maybe this is the time. Maybe, faith is rewarded inb ways other than Springsteen tickets...but that is another story for another time. Time to smoke a cigarette and get going to class. WHY NOT US? RED SOX ROCK, YANKEES SUCK
cf
ps - Songs? "Dirty Water" (DKM) "For Boston" and of course, for those lovely ladies out there in the swamps of jersey or the fields of oklahoma, "gone (that'll be me)" by Dight Yoakum.
cf
Today, my beloved Red Sox will open the ALCS in New York. Officially attired in my Yankees Suck shirt and sox bandana, i will be making my way to campus in total anticipatory delight until the clock strikes 8:00 tonight. I have been waiting ever since that depressing drive home from Glory Days Bart & Grill last October...The start of a really strange year. Maybe this is the year. Maybe this is the time. Maybe, faith is rewarded inb ways other than Springsteen tickets...but that is another story for another time. Time to smoke a cigarette and get going to class. WHY NOT US? RED SOX ROCK, YANKEES SUCK
cf
ps - Songs? "Dirty Water" (DKM) "For Boston" and of course, for those lovely ladies out there in the swamps of jersey or the fields of oklahoma, "gone (that'll be me)" by Dight Yoakum.
cf
Sunday, October 10, 2004
painful fingers & things to do...
So, after the mission to mars last weekend to retrieve one brand old Takamine acoustic guitar, I am now in the process of learning to play the thing, and I must say, my fucking fingers hurt. Strange but true, it is a good hurt, but it hurts nonetheless. However, I am really diggin' learning this thing, and since I am not planning on getting exceedingly good (I'd settle for passable Ochsian:-) there is just no way to lose. Of course, this will cut into my schedule, as I am planning on practicing daily, so I am going to drop any time I had reserved for pining for life to some other way than it is and start having more fun. So, less pining, more guitar practice, more fun, everybody wins.
OK, a brief side note to an obnoxious affair at a dining hall on campus two weeks ago. (I have more to say on the general guitar topic, but this story is important to me for ideological reasons.) I entered Owens dining hall, and some blonde fraternity scumbag accosted me, demanding I pin one of his white ribbons to my chest to shout to the world "I am not a violence against women supporter!" Now, my own personal belief about ribbons, flags, medals, and other ceremonial bullshit people wrap themselves in when they need to distract from weak arguments or unsupported claims is that I choose not to wear them. I don't want a flag on my car, not even a star, no ribbons of any color, for any cause. Instead, here is what I do everyday. I don't hit women. Shit, I don't hit anybody. I'm non-violent...for the most part, under most circumstances. At any rate, when I told the strapping fraternity boy that I didn't wear ribbons, his gracious mood darkened, and I saw sparks of rage begin to glow in the boy's eyes. He demanded to know why, and spoke loudly, making a public scene.
Now, unfortunately for me, I was not quite sane enough to converse with this raving lunatic. Truth be told, I didn't need the downer of an argument, and my position wouldn't be publicly supported, so I am content to keep this kind of thing inside. I tried to keep walking, and eventually succeeded in getting into the dining hall and eating a fairly forgettable sub with one of those tasty fruitshakes. You know the kind. So, as I am leaving the dining hall bound for class, I notice the Aryan child is gone, replaced by another faceless member of the next generation, bound for glory, a fraternity pin, and the truly rigid thinking patterns of an automaton....
Now, what else? Oh yeah, things to do. Gonna be a busy couple of weeks for the dude. Grad School apps, creative nonfiction, the Sox, homework. Not to mention, I should probably be out beating feet for a job, though I think I'm straight for a few more weeks, best to be getting on that shit ASAP. Damn, life is about ot get busy again, after like 2 years of agonizing slowness. Let this be a lesson, much like Henry II said in "The Lion In Winter," "Women! I could have conquered all of Europe, but I had women in my life. " (By the way, my other favorite quote from the movie: "I made Louis take me on Crusade. I dressed my women as Amazons and we rode bare-breasted halfway to Damascus. Louis had a seizure and I damn near died of windburn... but the troops were dazzled. " spoken by Eleanor of Aquitane...my favorite Hepburn moment...)
Hmm, not much left to say. I have a general feeling this next week could be a portender of things to come. I need good mojo for the Sox and Pats, so it is wings today at Champs, because fucking wings are fucking good. Plus, depending on what is going on the next 10 days, well, you get the idea. So, off to do some school work, and write some nonfiction. I'll probably toss a post on the new lit blog, time to get started formatting the shibby.
Songs to keep in mind - "Trampoline" by Joe Henry (back to that again, are we?) "Estranged" by GNR and "Dirty Water," Standells version, not Dropkick Murphy's. Sometimes the classic is what you need.
vaya con dios all, or whatever your drug is...
cf
OK, a brief side note to an obnoxious affair at a dining hall on campus two weeks ago. (I have more to say on the general guitar topic, but this story is important to me for ideological reasons.) I entered Owens dining hall, and some blonde fraternity scumbag accosted me, demanding I pin one of his white ribbons to my chest to shout to the world "I am not a violence against women supporter!" Now, my own personal belief about ribbons, flags, medals, and other ceremonial bullshit people wrap themselves in when they need to distract from weak arguments or unsupported claims is that I choose not to wear them. I don't want a flag on my car, not even a star, no ribbons of any color, for any cause. Instead, here is what I do everyday. I don't hit women. Shit, I don't hit anybody. I'm non-violent...for the most part, under most circumstances. At any rate, when I told the strapping fraternity boy that I didn't wear ribbons, his gracious mood darkened, and I saw sparks of rage begin to glow in the boy's eyes. He demanded to know why, and spoke loudly, making a public scene.
Now, unfortunately for me, I was not quite sane enough to converse with this raving lunatic. Truth be told, I didn't need the downer of an argument, and my position wouldn't be publicly supported, so I am content to keep this kind of thing inside. I tried to keep walking, and eventually succeeded in getting into the dining hall and eating a fairly forgettable sub with one of those tasty fruitshakes. You know the kind. So, as I am leaving the dining hall bound for class, I notice the Aryan child is gone, replaced by another faceless member of the next generation, bound for glory, a fraternity pin, and the truly rigid thinking patterns of an automaton....
Now, what else? Oh yeah, things to do. Gonna be a busy couple of weeks for the dude. Grad School apps, creative nonfiction, the Sox, homework. Not to mention, I should probably be out beating feet for a job, though I think I'm straight for a few more weeks, best to be getting on that shit ASAP. Damn, life is about ot get busy again, after like 2 years of agonizing slowness. Let this be a lesson, much like Henry II said in "The Lion In Winter," "Women! I could have conquered all of Europe, but I had women in my life. " (By the way, my other favorite quote from the movie: "I made Louis take me on Crusade. I dressed my women as Amazons and we rode bare-breasted halfway to Damascus. Louis had a seizure and I damn near died of windburn... but the troops were dazzled. " spoken by Eleanor of Aquitane...my favorite Hepburn moment...)
Hmm, not much left to say. I have a general feeling this next week could be a portender of things to come. I need good mojo for the Sox and Pats, so it is wings today at Champs, because fucking wings are fucking good. Plus, depending on what is going on the next 10 days, well, you get the idea. So, off to do some school work, and write some nonfiction. I'll probably toss a post on the new lit blog, time to get started formatting the shibby.
Songs to keep in mind - "Trampoline" by Joe Henry (back to that again, are we?) "Estranged" by GNR and "Dirty Water," Standells version, not Dropkick Murphy's. Sometimes the classic is what you need.
vaya con dios all, or whatever your drug is...
cf
Friday, October 08, 2004
when nights are good....
Every once in a great while, for reasons I don't understand, some nights just end on a good note. It's like a super positive vibe at the end of the day, the polar opposite of the darkness of depression. (Does this mean I'm manic? I don't think so, but who am I to disagree with the DSM.) At any rate, this is one of those nights. It's the culmination of all the righteous events of the past five days, all starting with the midnight drive to nowhere and back.
I have so many ideas that are coming together, I'm guessnig the next two weeks will be an amazing ride, so we shall see. At any rate, I'd write more, but I am feelin fine and ready for some sleep. Righteous vibes,
cf
I have so many ideas that are coming together, I'm guessnig the next two weeks will be an amazing ride, so we shall see. At any rate, I'd write more, but I am feelin fine and ready for some sleep. Righteous vibes,
cf
Monday, October 04, 2004
epiphany & a lost post....
OK, I lost the good long post I wrote, the one where I spoke eloquently and delivered a soul stirring account of a crazy weekend, but then the internet ate the fucking thing, and now you have a guttural, crazed account of a nine hour drive and how it rescued me from my previous "Poor, poor, pitiful me" stage. (many thanks to Joe Henry, Robert Earl Keen and Warren Zevon for the inspiration and tunes....Especially Zevon. WZ was told by his doctor that he had inoperable cancer and was going to die, and he went home and began to record a whole new album filled with life. That's the way to do it, live until the last day dies.)
At any rate, a drive to clear my head turned into a nine hour journey to NoVa where I picked up a guitar and 5 rolls of toilet paper. Oh yeah, and ate a chicken sandwich. At any rate, I got to thinking about all the crap I have been worrying about, about all the things in my life I thought were just so bad....and realized things were pretty fucking good. For one thing, this will be the third time one of my teams has entered the playoffs right after me being dumped. Twice, the Patriots took me in and delivered championship seasons. If the Red Sox deliver, it will be the single greatest day of my life. This team has killed me, torn my heart in half, and then rebuilt my faith from the ground up. The Red Sox are a huge part of my identity, and I feel like one of the unifiers I have with the region where I was born. It's like carrying around a piece of hometown, even if it is a place I know little about, nor have the urge to live in. All good here, this is a good time for the playoffs to come, and I am ready to lose my soul and have my heart destroyed again, but they are the Red Sox, and I am from Boston, and this is THE YEAR....
So things are good. Today I am dropping off my last responsibility to an ex in the form of two books, and then I am ready to hit the hookah bar, sit and read until my mouth tastes like mixed fruit and I come here to study and watch Monday Night FB. (Oh yeah, the Patriots. The Patriots played a half decent game and still destroyed the Bills. It hurts a bit to see Bledsoe on the receiving end of such a bitch slap, but he never did deliver us where Brady has gotten us twice. So, Tom Terrific, as I said back in Week 5 or 6 of the 2001 season, "If this guy wins the Superbowl, I will change my allegiance to Brady from Bledsoe." I have had no trouble keeping that promise. The Pats are scary good, and this will be a good season to watch. You can almost feel the magic as the players band together under Belichick to defend the Lombardi trophy. I have a good feeling about this team.
Well, time to go and do some errands, some stuff, and some things. What are some good songs for a day like this? Hows about "Somewhere They Can't Find Me" by Simon & Garfunkle, "You Got Gold" by John Prine and "Goodbye Stranger" by Supertramp. (Listen to the lyrics really closely, they are really funny and inventive.) Anyhow, perhaps soon there will be a new literature and music blog, title to come soon. This blog will focus solely on tunes and books, and how amazing minds use amazing words to amaze. Fun times? Perhaps, it remains to be seen if I can inspire any commentary since this blog seems to be read by a few, and none of them have much to say in a public forum.
cf
ps - THIS IS THE YEAR!
esruc eht esrever.........
cf
At any rate, a drive to clear my head turned into a nine hour journey to NoVa where I picked up a guitar and 5 rolls of toilet paper. Oh yeah, and ate a chicken sandwich. At any rate, I got to thinking about all the crap I have been worrying about, about all the things in my life I thought were just so bad....and realized things were pretty fucking good. For one thing, this will be the third time one of my teams has entered the playoffs right after me being dumped. Twice, the Patriots took me in and delivered championship seasons. If the Red Sox deliver, it will be the single greatest day of my life. This team has killed me, torn my heart in half, and then rebuilt my faith from the ground up. The Red Sox are a huge part of my identity, and I feel like one of the unifiers I have with the region where I was born. It's like carrying around a piece of hometown, even if it is a place I know little about, nor have the urge to live in. All good here, this is a good time for the playoffs to come, and I am ready to lose my soul and have my heart destroyed again, but they are the Red Sox, and I am from Boston, and this is THE YEAR....
So things are good. Today I am dropping off my last responsibility to an ex in the form of two books, and then I am ready to hit the hookah bar, sit and read until my mouth tastes like mixed fruit and I come here to study and watch Monday Night FB. (Oh yeah, the Patriots. The Patriots played a half decent game and still destroyed the Bills. It hurts a bit to see Bledsoe on the receiving end of such a bitch slap, but he never did deliver us where Brady has gotten us twice. So, Tom Terrific, as I said back in Week 5 or 6 of the 2001 season, "If this guy wins the Superbowl, I will change my allegiance to Brady from Bledsoe." I have had no trouble keeping that promise. The Pats are scary good, and this will be a good season to watch. You can almost feel the magic as the players band together under Belichick to defend the Lombardi trophy. I have a good feeling about this team.
Well, time to go and do some errands, some stuff, and some things. What are some good songs for a day like this? Hows about "Somewhere They Can't Find Me" by Simon & Garfunkle, "You Got Gold" by John Prine and "Goodbye Stranger" by Supertramp. (Listen to the lyrics really closely, they are really funny and inventive.) Anyhow, perhaps soon there will be a new literature and music blog, title to come soon. This blog will focus solely on tunes and books, and how amazing minds use amazing words to amaze. Fun times? Perhaps, it remains to be seen if I can inspire any commentary since this blog seems to be read by a few, and none of them have much to say in a public forum.
cf
ps - THIS IS THE YEAR!
esruc eht esrever.........
cf
Saturday, October 02, 2004
baltimore bound...
Perhaps a short post before leaving for Baltimore. Fucking awesome to be getting out of Blacksburg for a Sox game, just 3 days before the playoffs start. Besides, this town is filling up with bad vibes, and lately, they seem to be pointing directly at me. Thank god this is the last home football game for a while, I am sick of hearing about the pathetic loser footbal lteam at this school. College football is really neat and all, but why anybody gets excited about a league that votes on a champion rather than having a playoff is just not worth my time. Obviously, this does not apply to the NFL, where the games are for real and there is more than pride on the line. Of course, I would have liked to play college football, but all that work seems a tad droll, and I don't have any interest in raping underage girls in my suite after I've gotten them good and drunk. Oh well, me and my high morals!
Anyhow, things seem much better with each passing day, and there is some savage comfort knowing the ex is with someone new. I hope she treats him better than she treated me. (And shit, I'm not really angry anymore. but for her to insist that she got the raw deal out of all this is asinine. I tried really hard to be what she wanted, but I wasn't it. End of story. I am at the point where I think I can see why why sometimes you just have to smile and say "I did my best." When you have done all you can do, there is no point in continuing to beat a dead horse, or continue to hurt or be hurt by someone else. So, maybe it is time to declare peace and simply live and let live.)
Well, off to prepare the car and run a few other errands for goodies and such for the road. This trip will be the end of this little dramatic episode, and I am enforcing my clean slate rule for sunday. Speaking of Sunday, the boys of New England will be beating the shit out of my former idol, Drew Bledsoe. Drew, I'm really sorry, but between you, me and Mo Lewis, Brady is the new King of New England, and Bill Belichick is the saviour and genius leader. Lauren, you should get the Bruschi jersey (54), or perhaps you could go for Corey Dillon (28)? There's always Law, Phifer, McGinest, or Brown. Maybe Ashworth? Too funny? hahahahaha
Well, a quick note on tunes. Bruce Cockburn is the shit, and "All The Diamonds In The World" is a great song...even if it serves as the point of demarcation for Cockburn's Chrisitan transition. It is still a beautiful song, and while I don't agree that it sounds like a hymn, it is a beautiful testament to his faith, and I can admire that, if not imitate it.
"All the diamonds in this world
That mean anything to me
Are conjured up by wind and sunlight
Sparkling on the sea
I ran aground in a harbour town
Lost the taste for being free
Thank God He sent some gull-chased ship
To carry me to sea
Two thousand years and half a world away
Dying trees still grow greener when you pray
Silver scales flash bright and fade
In reeds along the shore
Like a pearl in sea of liquid jade
His ship comes shining
Like a crystal swan in a sky of suns
His ship comes shining. "
(Words & Music by Bruce Cockburn)
So, other songs to think about? How about "I'm Not Like Everybody Else" (current favorite, give Ray Davies some credit, he had an inventive mind and a lyric presence) by The Kinks, "No Easy Way Out" by Robert Tepper (extra credit if you can name the movie this song appeared in) and "Breakfast in America" by Supertramp. (Take a look at my girlfriend, she's the only one I got...) Anyhow, back Sunday, for anyone who might need me, feel free to hit up the cell in the meantime. GO SOX! GO PATS! esruc eht esrever!
cf
ps - its too fucking good not to post, and i'm really feelin' it this morning...
I won't take all that they hand me down,
And make out a smile, though I wear a frown,
And I wont take it all lying down,
cause once I get started I go to town.
cause Im not like everybody else,
Im not like everybody else,
Im not like everybody else,
Im not like everybody else.
And I dont want to ball about like everybody else,
And I dont want to live my life like everybody else,
And I wont say that I feel fine like everybody else,
cause Im not like everybody else,
Im not like everybody else.
But darling, you know that I love you true,
Do anything that you want me to,
Confess all my sins like you want me to,
Theres one thing that I will say to you,
Im not like everybody else,
Im not like everybody else.
Im not like everybody else,
Im not like everybody else
And I dont want to ball about like everybody else,
And I dont want to live my life like everybody else,
And I wont say that I feel fine like everybody else,
cause Im not like everybody else,
Im not like everybody else.
Like everybody else,
Like everybody else,
Like everybody else,
Like everybody else.
If you all want me to settle down,
Slow up and stop all my running round,
Do everything like you want me to,
Theres one thing that I will say to you,
Im not like everybody else,
Im not like everybody else.
Im not like everybody else,
Im not like everybody else.
And I dont want to ball about like everybody else,
And I dont want to live my life like everybody else,
And I wont say that I feel fine like everybody else,
cause Im not like everybody else,
Im not like everybody else.
Like everybody else (like everybody else),
Like everybody else (like everybody else),
Like everybody else (like everybody else),
Like everybody else.
(Words & Music by Ray Davies)
See ya Sunday Blacksburg, I can only hope WVU doesn't wreck the place....hahahahahaha.
cf
Anyhow, things seem much better with each passing day, and there is some savage comfort knowing the ex is with someone new. I hope she treats him better than she treated me. (And shit, I'm not really angry anymore. but for her to insist that she got the raw deal out of all this is asinine. I tried really hard to be what she wanted, but I wasn't it. End of story. I am at the point where I think I can see why why sometimes you just have to smile and say "I did my best." When you have done all you can do, there is no point in continuing to beat a dead horse, or continue to hurt or be hurt by someone else. So, maybe it is time to declare peace and simply live and let live.)
Well, off to prepare the car and run a few other errands for goodies and such for the road. This trip will be the end of this little dramatic episode, and I am enforcing my clean slate rule for sunday. Speaking of Sunday, the boys of New England will be beating the shit out of my former idol, Drew Bledsoe. Drew, I'm really sorry, but between you, me and Mo Lewis, Brady is the new King of New England, and Bill Belichick is the saviour and genius leader. Lauren, you should get the Bruschi jersey (54), or perhaps you could go for Corey Dillon (28)? There's always Law, Phifer, McGinest, or Brown. Maybe Ashworth? Too funny? hahahahaha
Well, a quick note on tunes. Bruce Cockburn is the shit, and "All The Diamonds In The World" is a great song...even if it serves as the point of demarcation for Cockburn's Chrisitan transition. It is still a beautiful song, and while I don't agree that it sounds like a hymn, it is a beautiful testament to his faith, and I can admire that, if not imitate it.
"All the diamonds in this world
That mean anything to me
Are conjured up by wind and sunlight
Sparkling on the sea
I ran aground in a harbour town
Lost the taste for being free
Thank God He sent some gull-chased ship
To carry me to sea
Two thousand years and half a world away
Dying trees still grow greener when you pray
Silver scales flash bright and fade
In reeds along the shore
Like a pearl in sea of liquid jade
His ship comes shining
Like a crystal swan in a sky of suns
His ship comes shining. "
(Words & Music by Bruce Cockburn)
So, other songs to think about? How about "I'm Not Like Everybody Else" (current favorite, give Ray Davies some credit, he had an inventive mind and a lyric presence) by The Kinks, "No Easy Way Out" by Robert Tepper (extra credit if you can name the movie this song appeared in) and "Breakfast in America" by Supertramp. (Take a look at my girlfriend, she's the only one I got...) Anyhow, back Sunday, for anyone who might need me, feel free to hit up the cell in the meantime. GO SOX! GO PATS! esruc eht esrever!
cf
ps - its too fucking good not to post, and i'm really feelin' it this morning...
I won't take all that they hand me down,
And make out a smile, though I wear a frown,
And I wont take it all lying down,
cause once I get started I go to town.
cause Im not like everybody else,
Im not like everybody else,
Im not like everybody else,
Im not like everybody else.
And I dont want to ball about like everybody else,
And I dont want to live my life like everybody else,
And I wont say that I feel fine like everybody else,
cause Im not like everybody else,
Im not like everybody else.
But darling, you know that I love you true,
Do anything that you want me to,
Confess all my sins like you want me to,
Theres one thing that I will say to you,
Im not like everybody else,
Im not like everybody else.
Im not like everybody else,
Im not like everybody else
And I dont want to ball about like everybody else,
And I dont want to live my life like everybody else,
And I wont say that I feel fine like everybody else,
cause Im not like everybody else,
Im not like everybody else.
Like everybody else,
Like everybody else,
Like everybody else,
Like everybody else.
If you all want me to settle down,
Slow up and stop all my running round,
Do everything like you want me to,
Theres one thing that I will say to you,
Im not like everybody else,
Im not like everybody else.
Im not like everybody else,
Im not like everybody else.
And I dont want to ball about like everybody else,
And I dont want to live my life like everybody else,
And I wont say that I feel fine like everybody else,
cause Im not like everybody else,
Im not like everybody else.
Like everybody else (like everybody else),
Like everybody else (like everybody else),
Like everybody else (like everybody else),
Like everybody else.
(Words & Music by Ray Davies)
See ya Sunday Blacksburg, I can only hope WVU doesn't wreck the place....hahahahahaha.
cf
Friday, October 01, 2004
time to move on....
So, another great evening. Luckily, I don't remember all that much of it, but I did enjoy Kerry BITCH SLAPPING Bush in the debate. In fact, that almost made up for a certain email from a certain person. I'm glad your with someone else, now go fornicate yourself with an iron stick. Yeah, not in a real feminist mood today. I defy anyone to tell me that women don't have men by the balls, and are always willing to twist just a little bit tighter for a little bit longer. Maron! I am in a funky Tom Petty sort of mood today. It could be worse, at least I am not hungover....I'll try to do better on that score tonight.
"It's time to move on, time to get going
What lies ahead, I have no way of knowing
But under my feet, bab grass is growng
It's time to move on, it's time to get going
Broken skyline, movin' through the airport
She's an honest defector
Conscientious objector
Now her own protector
Broken skyline, which way to love land
Which way to something better
Which way to forgiveness
Which way do I go
Sometime later, getting the words wrong
Wasting the meaning and losing the rhyme
Nauseous adrenalin
Like brakin' up a dogfight
Like a deer in the headlights
Frozen in real time
I'm losing my mind"
(Time To Move On, words & music Tom Petty)
Is that overly dramatic of me? Probobly not, at least compared with some of the other whiny shit I have written lately. But I don't really think anyone reads this schlock anyway, and it keeps me writing, something I need to do more of if I'm to find my way into G-School next year. But to end on a more positive note, let's remember, it's good to be king...
"It's good to be king, if just for a while
To be there in velvet, yeah, to give 'em a smile
It's good to get high, and never come down
It's good to be king of your own little town
Yeah, the world would swing if I were king
Can I help it if I still dream time to time
It's good to be king and have your own way
Get a feeling of peace at the end of the day
And when your bulldog barks and your canary sings
You're out there with winners, yeah, it's good to be king"
joe henry loves you madly, but i hate your guts
cf
"It's time to move on, time to get going
What lies ahead, I have no way of knowing
But under my feet, bab grass is growng
It's time to move on, it's time to get going
Broken skyline, movin' through the airport
She's an honest defector
Conscientious objector
Now her own protector
Broken skyline, which way to love land
Which way to something better
Which way to forgiveness
Which way do I go
Sometime later, getting the words wrong
Wasting the meaning and losing the rhyme
Nauseous adrenalin
Like brakin' up a dogfight
Like a deer in the headlights
Frozen in real time
I'm losing my mind"
(Time To Move On, words & music Tom Petty)
Is that overly dramatic of me? Probobly not, at least compared with some of the other whiny shit I have written lately. But I don't really think anyone reads this schlock anyway, and it keeps me writing, something I need to do more of if I'm to find my way into G-School next year. But to end on a more positive note, let's remember, it's good to be king...
"It's good to be king, if just for a while
To be there in velvet, yeah, to give 'em a smile
It's good to get high, and never come down
It's good to be king of your own little town
Yeah, the world would swing if I were king
Can I help it if I still dream time to time
It's good to be king and have your own way
Get a feeling of peace at the end of the day
And when your bulldog barks and your canary sings
You're out there with winners, yeah, it's good to be king"
joe henry loves you madly, but i hate your guts
cf
